VAS IST LOS? (2024)

When I was in the Army, yes, smart guy our Army, it was at thetail end of the Korean War. The U.S. Army in its infinite wisdomsent me to Salzburg, Austria. I don't like to brag but we were astrong deterrent to aggression. We never had a North Korean getwithin 100 miles of our lines. was a part of the old Fighting 58thMedical Detachment. I was a helicopter mechanic. My father said itwas obviously an inherited gift since he used to work on windmills.The Austrian (a low form of German) word for helicopter is"Hoopslobber," which I learned to say in only two or three lessons.I took a USAFI (United States Armed Forces Institute) course inGerman and in almost no time was able to say "Das Hoopslobber." Iwas well on my way to fluency.

There was a saying in Austria similar to "What's happening" inEnglish. The saying is "Vas ist los?" The answer was always "Nichtist los, alles kaput" (Nothing is happening, everything is broken).The VW Beatles were some of the few cars still running back then.In those days instead of turn signals like we have today they hadlittle metallic sticks, about a foot long, that flew out, about eyelevel to the driver, on command, to show which way the driver wasgoing to turn. If you jiggled the lever that controlled them youcould make them fly out on both sides in an alternating rhythm thatthe Austrians loved to do just for fun. For that reason they calledthem "Mach nicht stichs" (Makes no difference sticks).

Within a few months my German was good enough to carry onconversations at a reasonably intelligent level and I loved thepeople and language. Even though I was only a buck private I gotpermission from my commanding officer and sent for my wife. Therewas no military housing in those days and we rented a duplex fromHerr Und Frau Eckschlager on Sieben Und Fertzig Rachenburg Strassewhich resulted in a complete language immersion experience. It hasnow been 55 years since we were there and we had not been back toSalzburg in all that time. This past May we went. There were noEckschlager names in the phone book that lived at our old addressso we had to assume that no descendents were there or the house nolonger existed. We took a cab to the address. The house looked justthe same. It was two in the afternoon. We rang the bell on thegate. A man was actually there, a high school teacher on springbreak. We told him we used to live there. He said, "In that case,come right in, I'd be interested to know what some of the roomsused to be before I re-modeled the inside when I bought it fouryears ago." We had a great visit with an old house and a newowner.

My German began to return after 55 years of not using it at all.My confidence bolstered I immersed myself once again. I bought anAustrian baseball type cap with the national Eagle emblem and"Austria" on the bill. "Osterreich" is actually the word forAustria but that wouldn't fit on the cap. A week later on this sametrip I was in Greece. A Greek vendor looked at my cap and spoke inGerman, "Guten Abend." I replied "Guten Abend." He asked, "Viegehts?" I replied, "Sehr gut, danke." He asked, "Bleiben sie inOsterreich, Ja?" I replied, "Nicht, Ich bin Americanish." Then hesaid in perfect English, "Then why are you speaking to me inGerman?" I said, "You started it."

Then I asked why he could speak German. He said, "My Mother wasGerman." I said "How come you speak such perfect English." He said,"She was from Chicago."

Doc Blakely is a humorist and motivational speakerwho resides in Wharton.